Bereaved: Chloe Smith

Clementine Emily Bitmead

27TH MAY 2014 – 28TH MAY 2014

THE STORY OF CLEMENTINE’S LIFE.

On the 27th May 2014 Clementine was born, she was our first child. We took a while to fall pregnant and suffered two miscarriages prior to Clementine. While in the womb we called her ‘Lucky’ as she was our 3rd time luck baby! Once we reached the 12 week scan reviling that she was very healthy baby, we were blissfully unaware that such a serious condition could occur after we had such perfect scan.

On the 6th of January 2014 we were looking forward to our 20 week scan and getting to see our very active baby on the screen again. During the scan everything seemed to be going well, then 3 words changed our life forever. We we’re told our precious baby had a condition called ‘Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia’ (CDH) and it was a very serious and life threatening condition, with a 50% survival rate. We had not even heard of this condition and were totally in shock from this terrible news. It was quite an emotional journey for us to fall pregnant and little did we know of the emotional roller coaster we were now in for.

Like all other CDH expecting parents we had many ultrasounds, appointments with obstetricians, surgeons and paediatricians trying to work out what chance our baby had of surviving and the recovery journey that might follow.

Clementine’s percentage of survival changed each time we had an appointment, generally increasing but sometimes getting worse in the end the specialists gave Clemi a 70% chance of survival, which we were very happy to take. The stress of each ultrasound was immense, praying that the condition had improved not worsened. This was an incredibly difficult time but all you can do is hope and remain positive that our baby will survive and be healthy, so this is what we did.

At 39 and a half weeks, On the morning of being induced, we were both nervous but also incredibly excited to meet our first child. During the inducement we even joked around and were in very good spirits, maybe we did this to hide our nerves. Finally after a very long 20 weeks since our baby’s diagnosis of CDH, darling Clementine was born, the most beautiful baby we had ever seen, she let out two of the sweetest cries, which is quite unusual for CDH babies as they often don’t have the lung capacity to cry and I just felt it would all be ok.

The obstetrician passed her to me for 5 seconds, this was the most amazing experience of my life, she opened her eyes and looked into mine, it was total love at first sight. Clemi was then whisked off to the team of paediatricians standing by. Chris and I watched in shock as they performed CPR on Clementine and put tubes down her throat, injections and lots of other monitors on her. This was a very hard experience to watch our baby girl having so much treatment straight after birth, but we knew it had to happen to help her.

Clementine did not stabilise very well, so I could not see her when the paediatricians were ready to take Clemi up to (NICU), she was quickly rushed out with Chris following.

I got a call to say I needed to come up and see her as they were thinking of transferring her to the Children’s Hospital.

This was a great, because I had been told they will transfer babies with CDH when they have stabilised and are doing well. Unfortunately Clementine was the opposite of this, she was so sick that they were having trouble stabilising her, and if she crashed before they moved her she may never stabilise. We spent about an hour and a half with about 20 medical staff from both hospitals and the (NETS) transport team trying to work out if she should be moved. Chris and I just kept looking at this beautiful, healthy looking baby laying in the cot with tubes going everywhere, but all we could see was our perfect daughter, and we loved her so much. I thought our love and passion for this baby will keep her going, and we could feel her love for us in return.

The decision was made to move Clementine, Chris would travel with her in the ambulance 15mins down the road and then I could come as soon as I was allowed. We were told the next couple of days may be very rocky for Clemi.

We had imagined Chris teaching her to surf and have a love of the sea, we already had a pony for her ‘at home. Our dreams and hopes for her were so real and we would bring her home from hospital and this would be the beginning of our life as a family.

I had already imagined the day of leaving the hospital and driving back down the princess freeway towards Geelong, what a special day that would be to bring Clementine home!

Clementine travelled really well to everyone’s surprise, and she reached the hospital. I just felt it would all be ok now! Chris called me to see when I was being discharged as the doctors had told Chris she was very sick and I should try and get over as soon as I could.

Upon arrival and walking into the ward I could see Chris’ glassy eyes, he said “She’s very very sick, and not doing very well”, I heard this, but it never really registered with me. All I was focused on was a beautiful, chubby Clementine, such a healthy looking baby, she was going to make it. I thought like in the movies or those miracle stories, when she hears my voice she will magically start getting better, so we talked to her about her pony, our farm that was her home, and how much we loved her with all our heart.

Unfortunately Clementine’s stats kept getting worse over the next couple of hours and we were counselled that she was on maximum treatments and there was nothing else that could be done. Chris could not even say a word, his throat would not allow it, just tears poured down his face. We arranged for a Chaplin to come and baptise Clementine. We hugged each other and cried, we sat by her stroking her, kissing her, holding her hand. We played Clementine ‘her’ song (Sea of love – by Cat Power) and sang this to her many times. Her grandparents were able to spend some time with Clemi and be present for the baptism.

Towards the end of the baptism some of the machines started to beep and the doctors came in and said she is going, the ceremony was quickly finished. Everyone left the room except for Chris, I, our nurse and doctor. They unhooked Clementine from all the machines and placed her in our arms.

Not long after, Clementine passed away in our arms while we told her we loved her forever, we were so proud of her, she was safe and it was ok to be at peace.

The following week we had an intimate funeral under the oak tree on our farm with close friends and family. It was a beautiful day and during the ceremony the sun shone down through the oak tree onto Clementine’s petite coffin. As she will never have the sun shine on her face, this was quite a beautiful sight for us to have the rays of sunshine touch her coffin and sending her off to heaven.

While Clementine was alive it was the happiest hours of our lives, then followed the saddest and most heartbreaking. We love her more than we even imagined with the most pure love there is to give. We know that the future is only brighter for us, illuminated by the light that will always shine in memory of Clementine.

A life should not be measured by time, but rather the love that was shared.

You were a precious gift,

Our joy, our dreams.

You were a sparkle through the darkness;

Our hope for a brighter tomorrow.

You warmed our hearts, gave light to our minds,

And beauty to our spirits.

We gave you our love, wrapped you in our care,

caressed you with our smiles.

Now you are gone.

We grieve. We miss you so much.

The loving memories of you will keep you

Forever close to us — in our hearts,

our thoughts, our souls….